Thursday, 30 July 2009

No longer waiting to exhale

A lifetime ago, I was introduced to the concept of breath and letting go, by a couple I've known for a long time who have made it their life's work. While as an action+philosophy it made logical sense: we rarely know how much we hold our breath, and more importantly, what we hold onto with each held breath, the actual physical sensation of letting go, or as Heiko and Selina referred to it "releasing", took a long time in coming to.

No, I am not a bitter old soul who holds onto the negatives. It's just that some beliefs in life protect you, keep you from being hurt or sad, and help you stay your course. Nothing at all wrong with that. Just that, well, each of the beliefs that seem important to our welfare and others, form layers and layers, from our feet all the way up into our stomachs and into our heads, weighing our bodies, souls, skin, bones and hearts with what should, could, can or must be, in accordance with the life we think we should be living, the people we should be, the people others should be, and the things we must get done.

About 10 days ago, I had a conversation. A simple, easy conversation with an old, old friend, who reminded me, that I'd been holding my breath for so long, I'd forgotten.

Forgotten how to continue to live a life of responsibility, and yet, still be responsible to self. How to love with all my heart all of those who are dearest to me: my family, my love, my friends. Not just with parts of my heart, the other parts held in a long, unrealised, unending inhalation. How to accept that doing everything I need to do, and everything I have ever done, may still never be enough. And how to let it all go, so that universal process - that stellar, blinding and pretty energy that comes from total love and acceptance - may enter everything that means anything to me. And, that it may enter me.

What a wonderful, amazing lesson she taught me. And for the first time in my life thus far, I understand the totality of what it takes to be a living breath, and a living exhalation, and how to take that and give it to the people I love so that we may all be buoyed, floating, light, and lovingly, lovingly linked.

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